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Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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