I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
