I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
