She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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