Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
