my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
