..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
