Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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