Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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