What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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