I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
