Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
