dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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