omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
