Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
