It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
