the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
