It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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