I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
