1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
