so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
are you so shy because you have an std?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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