remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
