you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize