so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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