where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
