I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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