So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
