but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
