I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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