I'm so fucking centered right now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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