If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
