I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
