What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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