My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
