I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
