I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize