There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
