I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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