When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
