remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
