I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize