omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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