So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
