I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
