No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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