The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
