I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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