remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They are going to name an STD after you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
