I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
