Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
