HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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