what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
