So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize