Your face is a jimmy john
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
