turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
