I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
