Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
