jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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