me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
