For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
