what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
