If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
