i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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