there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
