a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
