Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
