I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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