Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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