Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A+ Viking dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
