i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
