I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
