And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
