i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize