You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize