Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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