I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
