Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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