just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
