wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
