Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
