Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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