He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
