Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize