apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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