I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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