I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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