Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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