i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
even my farts smell like vagina
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
