strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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