you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
