I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
