stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
