trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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