I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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