There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
