apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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