Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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