my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
