oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
