Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
