We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize