i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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