The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
