i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
