Are we in a gay sports bar?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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