Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
