it wasn't lemon gatorade
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
