someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
