Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
