if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You ruined the universe
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
