he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
