my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
