i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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