I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
